Holiday Horror

Some people like flowers and cards and Christmas trees and boxes of candy.  Some...don't.  My friend Dave from Chicago and I are among the latter.  This could be because we're pragmatic and anti-romantic and just all-around callous, or because we share a twisted sense of humor.  Whatever the cause, over the years we created a Christmas holiday tradition: watching the heinous 2005 flick "House of Wax."  After all, who doesn't want to spend the holidays watching Chad Michael Murray's hot yet skin-crawlingly inappropriate chemistry with anything that moves in one of the grossest movies ever?

In that same spirit, Dave and I just spent St. Patrick's Day together.  He's half-Irish and I am maybe a quarter (my grandfather is spinning in his grave with the horrific Ancestry.com-sourced information that his Hayes forebears were actually Scottish), so we decided to celebrate by watching 1993's "Leprechaun."  What other film would give you the opportunity to watch death by pogo stick?  Yeah, we loved it.  Of course.

Anyway, watching this early-Jennifer Aniston piece of shit made us think about our other favorite holiday films.  Holidays are about families, right?  And families are about horror, on some level (come on, admit it).  So here is what we recommend:

Christmas: House of Wax and Tales From the Crypt
Joan Collins in the latter!  Enough said.

New Year: Dr. Terror's House of Horrors
For no reason other than the very fine music in one segment.  Check it!

Valentine's Day: My Bloody Valentine
 Romance kills.

St. Patrick's Day: Leprechaun (alternative: Rawhead Rex)
Consume with some very fine Irish whiskey.

April Fool's Day: April Fool's Day
Fool me once...

Father's Day: Creepshow
Patriarchy calls..."Where's my cake?"

4th of July: Godzilla
The original can teach us all about hubris.

Thanksgiving: Home For the Holidays
Family is the worst horror of all...

So what did I miss?  Let me know!  And happy holidays!  Bwahahahaha...



-kiki