Back from the crash

Well, I am finally back. From where? I'm not sure. I just haven't been HERE and I wanted to explain why, if I can. About a month ago (?) my hard drive crashed on my computer and I lost everything. I had to get it fixed - replace the hard drive - and while waiting, I stepped away from the computer and into my life. The truth is that I wasn't really writing for a while before "the crash," letting life seep in and distract me, taking me far away from my writing.

At first, not having my computer was difficult for me. I had begun to rely on it for so much. I'd find myself in the morning with my coffee reading a book or looking at a magazine or just talking to my family instead of playing "Wordscraper" online. I missed my online chat buddies and the blogs I like to read and shopping online. But I found that things felt somehow calmer, slower. Sometimes I would just sit and look out the window.

I was surprised to find that I was not terribly upset about all the writing I lost in the crash. I wasn't all that in love with it. I thought it probably sucked anyway, and this was a great way to start over. Also, I knew that Kelly had saved most of what I'd sent her. It will be interesting to go back through all that old shit and see what I truly want to keep.

But this brings me back to writing. I really want to write. I miss writing. I want to have a project that I'm working on and enjoying and I want to write something really good for once and do something with it. I had hoped that our little writing group and this blog would help, but found, as always, that it is really up to me to get it done, and no one can make that happen for me.

This makes me think of Andi's previous post about the critiques she's been getting and how they vary. When I took that novel writing workshop last year it really crushed my ambition to write that novel, and I think part of the reason was that the particular group I was in was not the audience that I would have been writing the novel for. Their critiques steered my novel in an altogether different and wrong direction than I wanted to take it. I would like to go back to the original idea and follow through on it the way that I want to write it for me, not for them. But it did help me to realize that there is a huge difference in perspective and not every book/story/writing style is or can be for everyone. And my NH novel, frankly, will probably not be enjoyable for certain people. And that is ok.

And so, I am back. Let's get together sometime and talk shit about writing.

- Lori