02 March 2010

Fucking Imagine That

Yeah, imagine that. You've had a really nice day -- got a lot done; boring stuff, dishes, laundry, picking up, prepping for a freelance job. Shit like that. Imagine you got to put off a boring shopping trip till the next day, but dinner is nice anyway -- leftover pasta, a great salad with homemade asian dressing. Imagine relaxing, really late, with your boyfriend (husband -- whatever) and enjoying a hot toddy to ward off the night-time chill (yeah, it's southern New Mexico, but imagine anyway).

So it's really late, and the BF is falling asleep on the couch, and you go take an innocent piss, and the toilet goes fucking nuclear on you. Seriously nuclear, like Linda Blair nuclear, like spewing all over the fucking bathroom tile.

That.

So the seriously nice, seriously beloved BF asks if you've flushed a tampon, then...heads to bed.

Yeah.

While I (not you) waste four towels and scrub up the floor and take a shower and throw out all the poker mags and scrub the floor again and take another quick shower and scrub the floor AGAIN and ... wash, rinse, repeat. Literally, in this case.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Like, didn't I just survive a (thankfully rare) migraine four days ago? Like, am I not lucky enough to already spend more time on home upkeep because I am an intermittently employed freelancer? Like, WHY THE FUCK DID MY TOILET CHOOSE TO OVERFLOW AT TWO IN THE FUCKING MORNING?

Yeah, like that.

On the other hand, I'm now having a smoke and a G&T at three in the morning, because what the fuck else is my damp self supposed to do?

So this week was supposed to be about cleaning up for my sister's visit later this month; helping the BF grade his coursework; prepping for a really good freelance grantwriting contract.

Who wouldn't want to clean up a goddamned toilet?

Yeah. Well, at least there was no hurricane, or earthquake, or tsunami, or tornado. I really need to learn to count my blessings. Lesson to be learned. I still hate my fucking toilet. But the G&T is really good.

2 comments:

  1. flushed a tampon? SERIOUSLY? i'll say one thing for the boy, he's got balls. (goes without saying, i know, but you know what i mean.)

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