Saturday Night at Smitty's, part 1

Who, Shelly? Yeah, I saw that slut at Smitty’s Saturday night, drunk as a skunk. Her, not me. Didn’t know her ass from her elbow, with all the guys following her around like a bitch in heat. She was wearing one of those tube tops, like from the 70s, all retro and rainbow, barely covered her friggin tits. Some girls don’t know when to quit, you know?


So she’s playin’ pool with ol’ Jimmy, stickin’ her ass out under that tight blue jean miniskirt while she takes a shot and HE walks in. I tried to get his attention but he weren’t havin’ nothin’ to do with nobody but that skankhoe bitch, and he had some serious business to attend to with her ass, for sure.

So she comes on with this lovey dovey bullshit about to make me puke up my four budweisers but I held em’ down then got the laugh of my life when he hauls off and smacks her right across her painted face.

I see the blood spurt outa her mouth plain as day, nevermind the smoke. She was fuckin’ pissed. Never seen her like that before. Turned on him like a goddamned animal, nearly frothin’ at the mouth. Next thing you know, there’s beer bottles smashin’ over heads and fists flyin’. I never seen nothin’ like it, ‘cept in the movies.

What’d I do? Well I hid under the goddamn barstool, like any sane person would. Fuck! People’s throwin’ glass and shit. The place is about to explode! I tried crawlin’ outa there on my hands and knees but some big fucking drunk dude fell right over me, pinnin’ me down for as long as I can remember. I woke up and it was all over. I crawled outa that freakin’ hole and went home.

Who’d a known a bitch like that could be worth so much trouble